Read this; and tell me what you think.. ^^

Okay so, You all know me in GW. At times I'm crazy and weird, but you know you love me. Anyways.. The thing you guys don't know is what I'm working on. And if you don't mind, I'd like to share it with anyone who cares, and have an opportunity for people to read it! (I thought this would be an okay opportunity)
In my past, I've been through some hard stuff. And I'm only 15. But throughout my whole life being in and out of hospitals, I vented my problems to my notebook. And for the longest time Ive wanted to become an author. I've had many ideas for stories, and I've written a few beginnings down, but sadly I've lost most of them. Here is one entry in my notebook that I'd like to share..

~~ Life is a constant worry. How do we know what happens next? How do we avoid the pain? The fear taunts us at night. How do we know when something is right? People say 'You just know'. But do we? I don't want to waste my time on something that never plays out.
Day after day, night after night. This is where I'll always be. Sitting here alone, feeling lost in my sea of self pity. I try to feel better, try to forget the pain. But it overwhelms me. I get sucked in, and lost. Darkness mixed with loneliness comforts me. They say it's no good for me, but it's my only time to think. Only time to feel. When I'm alone, I feel. Anger is finally lost and the pain is all over. I can let the tears fall from my heart, and it feels good. I can think.. Think about what i did wrong. Think about how to fix it. and think about ending it. Dream about finally ending it. How wonderful that will feel. To not feel this pain.
I've been falling for so long, waiting to hit and see the end. But all I do is fall. There is no ending for me. I look forward to the day I can just drift. Never hit, but stay where I am. I don't want to fall anymore. I just want to drift. Every night I dream, One night I'll be in love. Dreaming of what it feels like. Another night I dream of being happy, and always smiling. Other, I can't remember. But when i wake, a thick fog of overwhelming satisfaction fills me. It's like breathing in the chilly night air. Cool, and peaceful. To bury myself and breath nothing but the chill. To live everyday, looking into a cloud of fog, ready myself for my personal satisfaction. What I would give to just breath. ~~


Okay.. so Tell me what you think. It's not part of a story or anything, just something i wrote to help myself in hard times. Please, don't be mean. I appreciate constructive criticism, but being mean is uncool. It means more to me then you know.

I like it a lot, and reminds me of my own writing at times =]

Hey miki i figured i might as well share a piece of my writing that i've done before ;D
so here it goes:


Rationalizing the true feelings i regard towards other beings leaves me to realize that i truly dislike humanity.
Though my reasonings may change, the base is secure. On the outer edges of logic one always convinces themselves of something that is less harmful, less dispicable. However looking into the purpose of a source one can see the true regards. It isn't the false reality one may pose on humanity as being the true disgust. It isn't the sick nature, the looming greed, the distasteful way humans carry their heads; so far above others. The root. The deep cause of disgust is the simplistic way in which others are able to live. Live their lives in happiness, live without regrets. Live their lives and find contentment, a smile, pure bliss. This is what most enrages me. The deep jealousy for what i never have nor most likely will have. It is easy for one to convince themselves they're content with being knowledgeable. There are no doubts of false notions as there clearly are in others. But false notions may be the key to happiness; or more so the ability to look past them and allow them. This i fear i will never do. Leading a life of misery is the only true happiness, and for that jealousy engulfs one. To be happy one must be content, and the only way to be content is to be correct. Perhaps this is the biggest flaw in man, and why so many disregard it. To be fully correct. Correct in analysis of human actions, correct in the manner in which humans are; inately evil. For nothing else one is more assured. For others to carry on their lives disregarding this, they can be happy. For one to realize and fully embrace it they are miserable. But as previously stated only through being miserable can those sharing this weight be happy. Happily miserable. Through the realization comes the contentment, which here is the equivelently settled for happiness, and only through full awareness comes contentment. With full awareness is misery, and therefore there is no contentment without it. Happily miserable is not happy at all. Simply miserably content. These conceptual shortcuts and falsified notions of self value and acceptance are only further sickening. Pushing the realm of misery further, and to a point of no return. Perhaps it would truly be better had one never been born.

I read a lot.. but mostly computer books and magazines and very rarely something that catches my attention like "Lord of the Rings". I should say - you really touched me micky. The sweet, bold, party girl that I know from vent and msn - I didn't know that you could move people with your words. You got a gift there girl. What you wrote is something that I'll never forget and I'll never forget you either. It's not so easy to melt my heart with words - you would have known this if you knew me. Take care dear friend and keep writing

/Simon

Dragon wrote:I read a lot.. but mostly computer books and magazines and very rarely something that catches my attention like "Lord of the Rings". I should say - you really touched me micky. The sweet, bold, party girl that I know from vent and msn - I didn't know that you could move people with your words. You got a gift there girl. What you wrote is something that I'll never forget and I'll never forget you either. It's not so easy to melt my heart with words - you would have known this if you knew me. Take care dear friend and keep writing

/Simon

^^ Thanks simon.

Oh and that's really a sweet picture micky. Better than the one on msn which looks like you're gonna eat up everyone

Thx, and to you too ;D

Most all of my writing is rather cynical O.o

Lmao! okay.. so this is a story that i started to write.. xD I had a dream about it and wrote down what i saw in my dream. This is the climax.


~~ Russ waves me over to her, she and the other girl are whispering to each other. Its probably a plan to get out undetected. Back to the city. Im a good 50 feet away from russ, and the people are approaching fast. I have to make a break for it. So im off. I sprint tword Russ and the other squad girl. Diving under the rock they were hiding under, right when gun shots pierce some old wood. The door. I should of known, and it was silly for me to jump out of my skin when I heard the shot.
Russ puts her head to my ear, and tells me how were going to get out of here unnoticed, with our loot securely in the truck. “you fallow me, do what I tell you and everything will go fine. Its sounds like they are only going to bring in two men to check it out, the others are going to the other side where the rocks fell. We will take care of them while (she) fixes the truck.” she points to the jagged rock I almost fell over. “ Go over there, around the other side and hang there. Wait until they go past you, then come back up. Ill be waiting.” she turns to spring behind another close by jagged rock, covering her from the main paths sight.
Slowly, I get into a crouch. Slipping into the shadows, and make my way to my destination. I swing my leg over the side of the rock, get my hands into position, and suddenly I remember, Im afraid of heights. “Don’t look down…” I mumble to myself, so quietly that no one could hear me. I swing my other legs around, and hug myself to the back side of this slender, jagged rock, hiding myself in the glow of the liquid below.
A few minutes pass, and I hear the uneven march of military footsteps. Stopping every 15 feet or so, and looking over the edge. I wonder if Russ had known they would do this. Surly they would see me here, hang onto this rock, waiting to ambush them. Of course she knew, that’s why she hid on the other side of the path, so when they killed me, her and (she) could escape, loot and all. Was Russ so mad, that I couldn’t save Dylan? So mad that she would have me killed, just to save herself and her billion dollar prize? But Russ would never do that to me, she was my leader, and sacrificing another sister was wrong.
The footsteps are closer now. Echoing off the side of the cave. Closer and closer, my heart beat races. My mind sprinting to find a way to save myself. If they found me, I wouldn’t die to their bullets. I promised myself, and my family that. The thought of the fiery water blow came into my head. Yes, I would have to let go of my rock, and face that death. I was ready to jump, ready to let go, for sure that they would find me. I hear the footsteps again, on top of me now. I could hear the metal on the chains of theirs pants as they walked by. They walked by…I was stunned for all of a few seconds. They didn’t find me. But this was the least of my worries. If they didn’t look down, then there was surly something they saw. Was it Russ? Was it the stair case? What had they seen..?
As silently as I could, I climbed up over the ledge, and coiled into a crouch. I looked around, and to the right of the military men was Russ. She sat in the shadows, glaring at me. Her eyes were fiercely blue. Glowing in the darkness. Was she mad that I hadn’t been killed? Or was there something eles that was bothering her? When I reached the darkness, her actions surprised me. Suddenly her arms were wrapped around me, squeezing as hard as I had been to the rock. “Thank God your okay. I didn’t think that they were going to check the siding. Im sorry.” she whispered into my ear. Then she let me go, I saw the men sit down on the path and pull out a cigarette.
“Don’t sweat it. But..the only reason they didn’t find me, is because their attention is attracted eles were. Look at them…” I whispered pointing over the rock. “They found something. But what? Did we miss something?” I began to get worried, and my breathing quickened.
“No, we didn’t. Don’t worry. (She) made sure we had everything. They must be looking at the siding. It isn’t everyday that you see Lava poring like a waterfall into a giant hole. Just be calm.”
I was shaking so bad I couldn’t hold the canteen to my face without spilling it. Just a few moments ago I was sure I was going to die. I needed more confidence. I needed to remember what I was doing here. Saving my family form extinction. I needed to keep calm. I wrapped my arms around my big sister, trying to calm myself. Russ patted my hair, and rocked back and forth.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps again, and Russ stopped moving. We slowly got into a crouch and walked around the big bolder, Russ leading the way. The men were walking again, on the path. One was tall, lean and had shaggy hair. The other big, muscular and very clean cut. They both had big leather bags around their shoulder, and a small hand guns in their pocket. They walked around the giant hole. With Russ and I stalking them from the shadows.
Slowly, the men's footsteps slowed, and they came to a stop. “Well, they aint here, and I don’t want to spend my entire day waiting around for something to show up. Lets just leave, say we didn’t find anything unusual, and go home.” said the smaller, shaggier guy. I thought of them leaving now and seeing (she) fixing the truck. I gasped.
“No. We have to stay. Just wait until we get a call on the radio. The guys will let us know when to leave. In the mean time, look around in the shadows. Maybe we will find something interesting.”
I looked to my right, and Russ was already walking away. I was surprised to see her walking toward the men. But figured whatever she was doing was right. Suddenly, she stands up. My eyes popped open wide, as the men stared at her and smiled. I didn’t know what to do, and she was walking forward, like they were family. I stretched my hand out as far as it could go, and called her name silently. I froze as the bigger man leaped 10 feet and grabbed her by the head, yanking her hair, and pulling her from my reach. she kicked and yelled, and reminded me of a rabbit being swung by the ears. They dragged her, laughing and talking to each other in a language I couldn’t understand. I didn’t know what to do, Russ was gone. She was in trouble and I was frozen in the shadows.
I thought back to when Russ had helped me. Found me broken on the streets, but made me stronger. All the months of training, and the fights she had won, all for me. I couldn’t let her be in trouble like this, after the pain I caused her. And she was family. I couldn’t let her be in hurt! So I started to run. Everything was a daze inside my head, I wasn’t thinking. I ran and jumped over rocks, and the men looked at me. Their eyes were full of amusement, though their smile faded. I ran up the side of a flat bolder, and jumped to the smaller man. I knew I couldn’t take down the big one, and if I had let the smaller one go, he would pull out his gun… So I jumped, kicked him so hard in the head, he fell back dazed.
I looked over, ready to help Russ, but she was on top of the bigger man, throwing punches, obviously winning. I grinned and felt the adrenalin pumping. I kicked the dazed man to my left again, this time below the belt. His face twisted in torment, and moaned, as he fell to the floor. Then we were off, Russ and I, running up the stair case. She dragged my arm, and we hit a side wall, in the hall way. We could hear the men yelling in their language, screaming in pain and furry. Russ had broken the larger mans nose, and must have sprained his leg. Her face, tense and not changing, relaxed. She looked at me, worried, and a tiny bit remorseful. “The larger man is going to fix his leg, he sent the other up here. He’s got both guns.” ~~

How can you be mean to someone who apparently has been thru some seriously hard times

I'm a man of few words (at least english words ) , but I'll say this. You should be a writer! If that's something you're interested in then go for it!

Remember our first encounter?(I hope you don't ) Oow I feel like a jackass now

abbz wrote:ur writing is great and ur a great person, these two things will help u get further in ur life, life is a struggle we all must face but there r always others there for u and i want u to know if u ever need a shoudler to cry on or some retard to talk to , im always here for u like i am for kim

nice words for micky abbz. I knew you weren't the jerk that I thought about u in the beginning..

and LMAO at the bold letters

Hehe i know its creepy..it felt creepy writing it...sometimes ya just gotta think that way when ya write.

haha i agree its creepy and strange but in cool way, almost as cool as an afro

but ye its nice to see some poetry, writing etc

hahah if there was a comic section i might post pics of some of mine
if nyone likes manga tht is...